Saturday, April 5, 2008

It's been a long time

Days became weeks, and then it almost became pointless, but that's just the negativity talking.

As life goes forward we often hit bumps, and that last one was a big one. I can't talk about it, as that wouldn't be fair to those involved. I can't even complain about it for the same reasons.

But we've settled down from a level 10 crisis to a level 8 crisis. Not much has changed, it's just that how I'm coping has been decided, and others have come on board to help out.

For someone who suffers from a stress related disorder, the past few weeks have been tough.

But the chiropractor has been awesome! Really helping me out.

Robin was fantastic, she recognized what was going on and stood back, and let me focus on what fires I needed to put out. She never tried to pressure me in to keeping up with the plan, she just let me cope, and now it's settling down, we're getting back on track, no guilt.

I kept up my 6 - 300 calorie meals as much as possible and it really did help me sustain myself through this time period. I didn't succumb to the temptation to eat my troubles away, as they don't go away when you do that.

But spring has also arrived and the sunshine, snowdrops and slow awakening of the garden fills my heart with hope and passion for the coming days.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Well it's finally Easter Weekend

The crisis of last week are behind me. The AGM and related events went off with issues only known to me, which is how I like it.

I walked in the door Wednesday night at 10pm shaking from mental and physical exhaustion. I changed out of my fancy AGM clothes and into slum clothes and my son met me in the kitchen with a hot cup of herbal blueberry tea. I love my son.

Thursday I had a conflict of timing. Same said son (I only have one) was going to meet me after his midnight shift to unload the car of all the AGM related stuff, I just knew I couldn't face the task alone. But I also had an 8 am chiropractic appointment that I knew would also help me feel better. I cancelled the appointment as I couldn't reach my son to tell him I'd be later than I said. And after he'd worked all night, I wasn't going to leave him standing outside the office cursing.

I also had and 8:30 am appointment with someone who was going to help with the workload at the office now I was down a staff person. A significant priority if I say so myself.

So there was no coming in late Thursday morning.

So I was there as much as I could be, and then someone was going to drop by and pick something up from me in the afternoon, so I hung out. Right until 4:30 and they were a no show. I can't describe the absolute fatigue and fury I felt.

So I dragged myself out on the errands I needed to do before the long weekend hit and the stores closed, and bought grocery store fried chicken for dinner, complete with taters. I just wanted food.

What I didn't realize until later, in my exhausted stupor, I'd forgotten all my supplements, and I was forgetting to eat. The trail mixed I'd picked up to get me through the insanity that was Wednesday, was masking my hunger. I'd get a twinge and then I'd grab a handful of nuts and raisins. Twinge gone. By the end of the day, I was so hungry, prepared food was the only answer, as cooking would have been dangerous in my state.

I got up Good Friday and resumed my routine of oatmeal for breakfast and a nice egg salad wrap for lunch. Back on track. Or so I thought. I made home made macaroni and cheese for the kids, and was going to make myself something else. Six hours later I'm trying to sleep and my tummy is rubbling big time. I'd forgotten to eat dinner!!! So I had some peanut butter and went to sleep.

It's going to be a crazy couple of weeks and I've got to put some planning into my food to ensure I don't lose focus.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The day after

Well yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, and I didn't drink any green beer or such.

Now to get through Easter intact. It's not too hard since I can't eat chocolate, but I am an emotional eater, so I pout when everyone else is eating chocolate and I can't, so I'll go find something equally unhealthy just to join in the fun.

I have to really watch myself this week. It's a case of knowing myself well.

I have been working really hard to establish a good work life balance, and with no staff, that's gone out the window. Yes it's a crisis and we are working to a resolution, but with our Annual General Meeting on Wednesday, a press conference to launch an initiative as well as a meeting with all our funded agencies it's taking a lot lot prep work and I'm strung out.

By the time Good Friday hits I'll have had one day off in 17. Certainly not the work life balance I've been hoping for.

But once we get through this week, the decisions we are making, will come into play and things should settle down.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Stress defined

Working in a workplace with only yourself and another staff
Other staff gets sick

The week coming is the 10th Anniversary of the United Way's Annual General meeting, a dinner for 50, a meeting with all the agencies that are funded by the United Way, for which none of the photocopying has been done.

Oh it's going to be a long week.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


See, you start all go go go go and then you get slowing down and the whole motivation wanes as you go from excited about a new life, to actually having to do the fricken work to make it happen.

So the bloom is off the rose and this is now work.


Someone pass me the "easy button".

When I said I wanted to create balance in my life, make positive changes for my health, I wanted to fit that in and around my current lifestyle.

But noooo apparently my lifestyle is part of the problem [sense the sarcasm in this post - it's there].

So when Robin says slow down, what she really means is "slow down" rather than "wow you work really hard". And when she says make time to sort out your food so you can eat more regularly and healthier, she doesn't mean "grab leftovers and an apple when you head out the door in the morning".

If I'd known this was going to be work......

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

On the rack

....and no it's not a rack of ribs!

Today we focused on learning how to stretch out. I found after last week's exercises, I was really restless and just not happy in my own skin. So we focused on a few Yoga stretches, which really helped loosen things up.

I feel better already!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Home, home at last

We had one of those winter storms yesterday and what a drive home. Lots of even breathing to avoid an adrenalin dump.

Absolutely exhausted when I got home, but the kids were a little demanding having missed me big time, and it was nice to be nurturing.

Spent Sunday doing the laundry and that was about it.

The kid's have depleted the groceries big time so I need to make a grocery run tomorrow.

Right now I'm starving, again. We ordered pizza for the kids, but the really nice Mandarin Salad and wanted that again, but "it's not longer a part of our menu" so garden salad it was. Six chicken wings for protein...or not, they put hot sauce on them, and I can't eat hot.

So a huge bowl of salad, and nothing much else has me digging around for some more food.